Day 26, 3/17/2016

Something I like about myself:
I do not view myself as a victim, though it would be easy to put myself in such a place.

Something I do well:
I am learning to be a better negotiator.

Something that went well today:
Today I had a lot of things go well.  I was praised by my current boss for a few things.  I was praised by the woman I consider my mentor.  My father sent me a great punny joke.  I was able to help someone hear better.  It was an all around great day.  Anything otherwise was completely my fault and I should know better by now not to poke a beast that wants to compare me to a deceased baby.

I know that sounds cruel, but it is the truth.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I will get a paycheck that will allow me to pay my taxes and get that out of the way.

..
My boss periodically has given me reading material to help with what he calls "leadership discussions."  While I personally am too prideful to enjoy these things very much, and I have read a lot of these materials in the past, I really appreciate this current book.  It's called, "The Power of TED," and it's a novel-like self help book that really is focused on the idea that victimization is a choice that we make, and that there are other options.  I have felt this way for many years, and used to run a weekly email chain that I called "Weekly Advice," which at first was a thinly-veiled attempt to let the guy I had a crush on know that he had hurt my feelings, but it morphed into a "Dear Abby"-like phenomenon.

There was a common thread that I ended every post with: ITYM YAVA ESD.  I know it looks like gibberish.  But it was actually a line from a song, "I think you make yourself a victim almost every single day."  I heard that lyric and though to myself, "I don't want that.  I don't want to be that person.  I don't want to be this constant victim.  I want to change."  I never forgot it.  And I want to continue living by it.

This is why I so frequently say that "I have my MS, my MS doesn't have me."  If I let myself be a victim to my body, I have no control.  I have no choice.  But if I take responsibility, and do everything I possibly can to prevent problems with it, then I can't feel victimized for it.  It's just the way it is.  And I cannot control what happens to me or around me, I can only control how I respond.  Circumstances don't have feelings - you can't take it personally to be a 'victim of circumstance' because a circumstance cannot victimize you.  Only you can choose to be a victim in that case.

I am not a victim.  I won't be one today, I won't be one tomorrow.