3/31/2016

Something I like about myself:
I used to have fabulous breasts.
No, I'm not a bad mother or a bad woman for being disappointed that my perfect breasts have stretch marks, augh!!!  But I know they'll come back to some semblance of what they once were... eventually.

Something I do well:
I go above and beyond when I do anything.  No such thing as half-assing stuff here!

Something that went well today:
Today I made it over to the Taco Bell far from my job, because the one that was close to my job was under construction (akkkk!) and somehow made it back in time to actually eat my lunch.  Yay for Bellski!!!!

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow is Friday ... do I really need to look forward to anything else??
My friend should be coming home with her daughter who just had surgery tomorrow, so we'll be making them dinner and welcoming them back into town.  Hopefully they'll be coming home! 

3/27/2016 - 3/30/2016

Augh, I did it again!  Another 4 day update. 

Something I like about myself:
I have a sweet tooth!
I'm always thinking.
I have pretty feet.
I have stopped biting my nails!

Something I do well:
I persevere and actually show up at church.... even when I don't want to go, because I know it will bless me and others to be there.
I can uplift others.
I educate people around me who are anxious when I know I can help.  Sometimes it takes more convincing than other times, but I wouldn't change that.
I'm always thinking of ways to improve and make a difference.

Something that went well today:
Sunday: Easter was beautiful!  It was just a very nice day.
Monday: We had dinner with our friends, participated in their family night, and they were great letting me let some steam off my chest.
Tuesday: I think my boss and I are getting along better, which really eases my nerves a bit.
Wednesday: Today I thought I was going into labor....looks like a false alarm.  But it means we're getting close, eee!

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I'm going to see one of my most beloved patients, going to fix issues that have been plaguing a few regular people, and I anticipate that I will sleep better because I am determined to stop eating before 7:45 tonight, haha!

3/23/2016 - 3/26/2016

Oh my, I didn't update for a few days!  But I didn't forget.  So this one's to make up for them! 

Something I like about myself:
I pay attention.
I can't just blow off my friends - I always make time to at least check in if I have to flake on plans.
I might care what people think, but it's because I'm sensitive, and I don't think vulnerability is a flaw.
I am patient.  Even when a doctor makes me wait 90 minutes for what I think is an exciting appointment... only to be seen for a grand total of five minutes.

Something I do well:
I am always looking for ways to keep my relationship 'fresh,' like noticing when I find a new restaurant with coworkers that my husband would love, and treating him the next day.
I work well with people of all ages.
I am able to diplomatically tell a parent that their child has a problem.  This was completely heartbreaking, and it ruined my Friday.  But I'm proud of how I handled it and, in turn, how this mother handled it as well.
I don't look at challenges as obstacles - I see them as opportunities.

Something that went well today:
Wednesday: This was my last day working in the office far from where I live.  It went well, and I am proud of the work that I've put in there, and got to say goodbye to many beloved patients until June.
Thursday: We were supposed to have an ultrasound that was exciting and fun - and it ended up being a quick check and we saw nothing (see the 90 minute wait comment above).  I was really not happy.  But I ended up throwing an awesome church event, not many people came but it was successful, and it brought up the mood of the day.
Friday: There were many things about this day that could be dwelled upon, but I ended up finishing a pile of reports that had been waiting the week to be completed, and I was able to teach some things to coworkers.  Overall a good day.
Today:  We installed the carseat today!! It was so exciting.  I am becoming anxious to meet my little girl, even though she is vastly easier to care for now when I keep her with me all the time.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I'm going to pass out some notices for a church event in late April, one that I will hopefully not be 100% responsible for because of the birth.  I'm also looking forward to getting more things cleaned and ready - 3 weeks of waiting now, it's so exciting!

3/22/2016

We're past day 30 - so I'm no longer numbering! 

Something I like about myself:
I made a promise to do this blog daily, and I have!

Something I do well:
I am good at getting people excited about things, especially my profession.  I love teaching.

Something that went well today:
Today Steven and I went down to San Fran - I really don't like this city, but we found some cool shops to peruse and I had fun helping the students at U of P test kiddos.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I will be setting up for an event on Thursday with my church - it will feel really nice to get this out of the way so I can focus on baby planning instead, and pass the torch for the next event!!

Day 30, 3/21/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am able to calm down even the most anxious people.

Something I do well:
I can complete a balance assessment without making my patients sick!

Here's the finished painting that I showed y'all yesterday, his name is Dufresne (Doo-Frayne):

Something that went well today:
Today I had a good attitude throughout the day!

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow we are going to San Francisco, I am supervising some students, and we are going to Fisherman's Wharf to get some baby things that I've been wanting to pick up :)

Day 29, 3/20/2016

Something I like about myself:
I can bring concepts into a lesson that no one thought to mention.

Something I do well:
I am good at painting.  I started a T-Rex painting for my husband today; I don't have the energy to finish it today though I usually would,

Something that went well today:
Today Steven participated in the baby blessing of our friends' daughter, and I started above painting ^^

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow..... I am sure I have a patient I can help.  There's never a doubt that I'll be able to affect someone's life at my job!

Day 28, 3/19/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am entertaining and sarcastic.

Something I do well:
I am scientifically minded and can answer questions from inquiring teenagers all day.

Something that went well today:
Today we went to the temple.  The Oakland temple has the biggest tulips I've ever seen - my favorite.  I was able to help with the youth, which was somewhat exhausting for three hours, but I know that I helped contribute to their spiritual growth as well as my own.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow Steve will be participating in our good friends' baby blessing.  After some of the less pleasant things this week and today, I am hoping it will bring things into focus for me.

Day 27, 3/18/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am creative in many ways.

Something I do well:
I can visualize how something will turn out and then make it so.

Something that went well today:
Today I was able to let a very sweet older lady know what she was missing in her world.  She was very surprised, but happily so.  I am pleased as well.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow Steve and I are going to the LDS Temple to assist in a temple trip with the youth.  It will be nice to not be able to look at my phone for at least a few hours and think about something else.

Day 26, 3/17/2016

Something I like about myself:
I do not view myself as a victim, though it would be easy to put myself in such a place.

Something I do well:
I am learning to be a better negotiator.

Something that went well today:
Today I had a lot of things go well.  I was praised by my current boss for a few things.  I was praised by the woman I consider my mentor.  My father sent me a great punny joke.  I was able to help someone hear better.  It was an all around great day.  Anything otherwise was completely my fault and I should know better by now not to poke a beast that wants to compare me to a deceased baby.

I know that sounds cruel, but it is the truth.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I will get a paycheck that will allow me to pay my taxes and get that out of the way.

..
My boss periodically has given me reading material to help with what he calls "leadership discussions."  While I personally am too prideful to enjoy these things very much, and I have read a lot of these materials in the past, I really appreciate this current book.  It's called, "The Power of TED," and it's a novel-like self help book that really is focused on the idea that victimization is a choice that we make, and that there are other options.  I have felt this way for many years, and used to run a weekly email chain that I called "Weekly Advice," which at first was a thinly-veiled attempt to let the guy I had a crush on know that he had hurt my feelings, but it morphed into a "Dear Abby"-like phenomenon.

There was a common thread that I ended every post with: ITYM YAVA ESD.  I know it looks like gibberish.  But it was actually a line from a song, "I think you make yourself a victim almost every single day."  I heard that lyric and though to myself, "I don't want that.  I don't want to be that person.  I don't want to be this constant victim.  I want to change."  I never forgot it.  And I want to continue living by it.

This is why I so frequently say that "I have my MS, my MS doesn't have me."  If I let myself be a victim to my body, I have no control.  I have no choice.  But if I take responsibility, and do everything I possibly can to prevent problems with it, then I can't feel victimized for it.  It's just the way it is.  And I cannot control what happens to me or around me, I can only control how I respond.  Circumstances don't have feelings - you can't take it personally to be a 'victim of circumstance' because a circumstance cannot victimize you.  Only you can choose to be a victim in that case.

I am not a victim.  I won't be one today, I won't be one tomorrow.

Day 25, 3/16/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am easy to get along with, and I make connections well.

Something I do well:
I can anticipate my patients' needs and fulfill them efficiently and effectively.

Something that went well today:
Today I helped a patient who is otherwise usually cantankerous - and I am very happy that he will be doing better because of my efforts!

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow my coworkers are going to our favorite Mexican place - it's inexpensive and delicious! 

Day 24, 3/15/2016

Something I like about myself:
I can do what I am asked.

Something I do well:
I try to see the best course of action before I am told to do it.

Something that went well today:
Today I got to see the article I was interviewed for and finished teaching a class!

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I will help aton of people and have no plans after work :)

Day 23, 3/14/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am a good mommy to my cats.

Something I do well:
I can hold my tongue when I absolutely have to! 

Something that went well today:
Today I was able to run home and get my cat to surrender himself to the cat carrier ... and he didn't scratch me!

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I am finishing the SRJC class with my boss - I am looking forward to seeing the overall reviews and hoping that we can help some of those folks!

Day 22, 3/13/2016

Something I like about myself:
I have fabulous breasts.  Most of the time.

Something I do well:
I am learning that I can ask for help when I need it.

Something that went well today:
Today I made excellent, blonde, cheese-filled wontons.  Mmmmmm....

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I am going to choose to not be focused on the negative, to look at what is going well as opposed to what isn't, because instigators for that behavior won't be around in the office and I intend to keep that momentum going.

Day 21, 3/12/2016

Something I like about myself:
I picked my spouse well, he completes me, and is part of who I am.

Something I do well:
I can multi-task even while exhausted.

Something that went well today:
Today I cleaned more of the house and we got a crib mattress.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow we'll be going to a friend's house to celebrate his birthday, which means I get baby time!

Day 20, 3/11/2016

Something I like about myself:
I refuse to give up on people (even when I probably should).

Something I do well:
I am an excellent technical writer (resumes, cover letters, emails, etc).

Something that went well today:
Today I helped a friend and a stranger.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
I am SO nesting.  Tomorrow my house is getting CLEAN!

Day 19, 3/10/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am totally nerdy.

Something I do well:
I love to teach, and can get anyone excited about what I get excited about if I try hard enough.

Something that went well today:
Today I hit $99,966.30!  Five digits, baby!  It will only last a few days, but that still counts!

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow, I'll be helping out a friend with something she desperately needs.  And I hope I can get her moving in the right direction.

Day 18, 3/9/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am adventurous!

Something I do well:
Even though I am an introvert, I am a great public speaker, and I love meeting new people in that environment.

Something that went well today:
Today I was a guest speaker for a CI support group - it was excellent!

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I have a meeting with my boss that I expect will go much better than the one we had last week.

Day 17, 3/8/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am easily excitable.

Something I do well:
I am good at calming down an emotional or otherwise heavy situation.

Something that went well today:
Today I taught my prevention class - and got a lot of questions, which I love.  I also had a meeting that I was dreading and it really wasn't that bad.  Wasn't great, but wasn't bad.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow, God willing, if my payment posts on time, I will finally have a student loan balance < 100,000.  This is a huge milestone, and I may only be beneath it for a couple of weeks before interest accrues enough to be back in the six digits, but I am going to screenshot that shit like crazy!

Day 16, 3/7/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am practical.

Something I do well:
I am good at opening up to people to make them feel comfortable. 

Something that went well today:
Today Steve and I put the crib together.
It barely fits in the bedroom.  But we have it together.  I don't know how we're going to survive in this tiny apartment that we already can barely afford.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I am teaching the prevention portion of my class at the Junior College.  I only get 20 minutes for my section, but I am looking forward to teaching my passion to the students.

I am nervous for tomorrow.  I have a meeting with my office manager, and another meeting with my boss.  I have had a lot of meetings with them lately.  I am so paranoid about everything in my life falling apart as I'm preparing for a baby.  We don't have everything that we need and we really need a miracle to survive the next two months financially.  I don't have much in savings, and still have so much money to pay back.  I feel like my mother hates me, yet she asks me where I get my 'poor internal monologue' from.  I need to learn to practice what I preach in church and have more patience with her, but my patience has run out.

I can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

Day 15, 3/6/2016

Something I like about myself:
I have a good sense for what people need to hear, especially while teaching.

Something I do well:
I am a pretty good cook!  Today I made jalapeno cream cheese wontons.  They were amazing :) 

Something that went well today:
Today I taught a less on in church on patience and it was excellent.  I got a lot of compliments at the end for my teaching and for the content, which of course is the important part.  I'm glad that I can influence people through teaching.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow... I have nothing planned except work..  But I will probably be signing up for disability payments for my maternity leave and making a list of the final baby items we need to get.

Day 14, 3/5/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am laid back when it comes to obstacles.  Raining outside?  Not a big deal.  I have to park my car down the street?  Well, it isn't fun to walk when I'm this pregnant, but it's really not a problem.  There are bigger things to worry about.

Something I do well:
I do my very best not to miss opportunities to thank people who help me.

Something that went well today:
Today I had a baby shower with women I work with and love.  It was really beautiful and I'm glad I know them.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I am giving a talk in church and I hope as I prepare for it and give it that I will feel its message.  I chose patience.

Day 13, 3/4/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am easygoing.  It's really difficult to rattle me to the point where I can't 'move over,' so to speak.

Something I do well:
I do well at letting the people around me know I appreciate them in small ways.  I think this is a real show of leadership and not a faux show.

Something that went well today:
Today I went to my favorite Mexican place in town... it was delicious! 

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow there will be another baby shower for me from the women at work!  So excited.

Day 12, 3/3/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am ambitious.  I will not apologize for it!!

Something I do well:
I do well at implementing my ambitious goals in a workable way..

Something that went well today:
I helped someone today.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow my paycheck will be correct.

Day 11, 3/2/2016

Something I like about myself:
I am a fighter!  I won't give up for small waves.

Something I do well:
I'm a good mommy to my cats.  I hope I am still a good mommy to this baby when she arrives.

Something that went well today:
Today a patient that I knew really needed help came in for a follow up, and he is doing incredibly well.  So proud :)

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I am attempting a "Hail Mary" pass with a tinnitus patient.  I have my fingers crossed!

Day 10, 3/1/2016

Something I like about myself:
When I get a burst of energy, I have to use it, or I'll lose it quickly!

Something I do well:
I'm a good public speaker.  I actually think I'll propose a community education class on speaking in public with my husband!

Something that went well today:
Today the local junior college offered to host my class again in the summer! It's a great step forward for my boss and I.

Something I am looking forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow I am looking forward to a McDonald's breakfast.  Mmmmm!